What did you give for Christmas?

// December 26th, 2008 // OUT LOUD THOUGHTS

I realize that’s not the question that’s on most people’s mind when they talk to people today.  In Tennessee we said, “What did Santie Claus bring ya?”

I was reminded of this familiar questioning this morning as I sat at Newbreak Coffee & Cafe in Ocean Beach.  I went there while the family slept.  I find it a rather stimulating place.  It’s old with a mini-library on one wall with miss-matched tables and chairs throughout, a menu written in chalk, and dust on the supports under the chairs that would be wiped away I’m sure if it wasn’t a historical landmark.  All this is offset by surfboards which hang in the rafters.

The coffee is stimulating, but the buzz around tables and conversations I find are much more caffeinating.  This morning nothing particulary intriguing – except for a little girl (perhaps 4) who kept opening the front door – the only thing protecting us from the extreme wind blowing in from the Pacific about 100 yards away.  Some friends of the mother tried to rescue the rest of the customers from this harrassing experience by distracting her with small talk.  The question?  “What did you get for Christmas?”

This year was one of financial hardship for us.  We headed in to Christmas with our heads pretty well above water though.  We felt blessed.   The last couple of years has really transformed our thinking.  We live on less than we have since we got married.  We’re holding our lives much more loosely,  and we’ve given a lot more.

In the process, we’ve had our hearts redeemed in a new sort of way.

As the Christmas season began (what was that August this year?), we determined that we weren’t going to be suckered in to spending on people like we usually do.  We’ve never been people to splurge anyway, but when it’s your kids there’s this sort of pressure of not wanting them to be disappointed and this irrational thought that if you spend less, you’ve somehow cut their dreams short.

I would say that even on the single trip that I made to pick up things for the kids, I still had this strange sense of guilt as though I wasn’t being a good father or something.

At any rate, Christmas morning, we stacked the kids gifts in the most impressive way that you  can stack a few gifts.  It seemed fuller than it really was.  We opened – as we usually do – graduating “up” to the biggest gift.  The kids were excited.  I was sorta left with the impression that they didn’t notice that this was a smaller Christmas, but I still had my doubts.

Around 11am, we left our little “family Christmas” – this special time that’s only meant for families, and we pulled out of the driveway to meet up with some of our friends at Mission Bay Park.  You see, we prepared the kids for a “smaller” Christmas beforehand.  I actually told them both – Victoria who’s 11 and Jadyn who’s 4 – that  we were going to take their money that we usually spend on their gifts, and that they were going to buy gifts for people who were less fortunate.

The result was that the girls purchased several fleece hoodies – something practical that also wouldn’t weigh you down.

We made it to the park where we met up with our friends and about 150 new acquaintances.  A huge line was in place for  BBQ Brisket and snacks.  We quickly lost the kids as they ran around the place and pleasant Christmas buzz.

It never occurred to Jadyn that most of these people were homeless.  She hasn’t learned that fear or callousness yet.

Jessica and I sat down at a table and hung out with 3 of the guys for an extended period of time.  Their names were Newmand, Mark, & Duke.  Of all three, Duke stuck out the most as he was the most vocal.  He’s an older guy – a grandfather with a wife (not there with him due to diabetes complications).  He lost his job within the last year and hasn’t been on the streets that long.  He’s struggled to find a new one.

We were warmed by the straightforwardness and the lack of bitterness that he displayed.  He shared his struggles over his wife’s health (which Jessica and I could really relate to) and the loss of his son (which is another pain that we’ve experienced).

We just listened.  There were no simple answers.

Victoria walked up, shook the man’s hand, and listened with us.  I didn’t look at her, but I knew she was crying.

A little while later, they had a large gathering to sing songs, and a short message.  Jessica and I laid hands on Duke and prayed for him.  Tears streamed from his face.  Jessica and I both embraced him.

Rain began coming down all around the pavilion just as everything wound down.  We gathered the kids to make a mad dash for the van.  I asked Duke if there was anything specific that he and his wife needed.  He said, “No, no, we’re good.  I got what we came for today.  I’m just here for the connection.  I don’t want money or anything.”

We drove home.

Later that night I walked up to Victoria and told her how proud I am of her.  She has such a soft heart.  I told her that she’s here to be a difference-maker – to change the world.  I told her I never want her heart to become hardened or insulated or distracted by material stuff.  It can happen so easily.  I told h er that people who h ave a lot of stuff generally don’t give because I think th ey just don’t feel their hearts anymore.   I told her that she doesn’t have to wait till she has money to change the world and to realize the value of “presence” not “presents.”  Regardless of what she has, she can bring change.

So this year, don’t ask my kids what they got for Christmas.  Ask them what they gave.   The essence of the God Himself is that He gives.  He is a giver.  He gave us His Son.  And the transformation of us in our lives is that we should give ourselves away.

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